yeah, it's heavy out there / do things change? do we care? / cuz i can't still comprehend the meaning of life / struggle and sin seeps in like a knife / funny how everythang nevers goes right / everyday is the same thang with a new fight / it's kinda hard to believe everything's goin' be alright / but we once was created in one image / tough for us to get up and get on in this / to finish messing with the business / i can't let the link sink and diminish / now listen, can you hear this? / see, the thing is one way or another / look up, face the case you must suffer / but deep to the down way under / look hard, then you'll see the difference in the dark / getting shaded from the shadow of you / let me get through to you / the only thing you can do is what you plan to do / so get adjusted to your issue and be true to you / at least, that's what a man would do / cuz no one ever said that life is gonna be easy / quick to quit the stress, i need rest, i'm sleepy / just hold on, be strong, and believe in your own / cuz it's goin' be alright, believe me / cuz every day is the same, wondering wen things goin' change... / thinking 'bout back in the day when life was so simple / i didn't have to worry about shit when i was little / but now i'm grown, i never would have known / in my life i could feel so alone / on the real, can you feel me? c'mon / i gotta take advantage of all that i have / all the chances that been given to me before they're gone / and there's so much that needs to be done / so i'll pray for you... i know i'm not the only one / struggling with the pain, don't feel ashamed /cuz i know, one day we'll break away, and be saved / even if your parachute is tearing soon / even if you climbed these stairs and barely moved / even if the light in your tunnel leads to your doom / even if the only light in your is the moon / just keep your eyes staring straight up ahead / and never let despair hide, sneak up and strangle your neck / just get ready, even if you chest feels heavy / cuz there are plenty of seconds to rest, never get lazy / and just face the facts, don't stray from the task, make this your chance / don't relax, yo, get yourself back on track / and hold on, be strong, and believe in your own / cuz it's goin' be alright, believe that / cuz every night, grows colder / hoping this strife will sonn freeze over / each moment we grow closer / so, if you ever feel like giving up or whatever / remember, stand up, think about it / put your feet on solid grounding / cuz there's no use trying to run around it / double up, straight through, down the line, find the outlet / believe in yourself, but don't be conceited / help others and they'll help you when you need it / be grateful for what you got, do not / ever let it drop when opportunity knocks / you got / one shot, so you better do it / to hell with regret, just meld it with the music / lose it, fae your enemies and prove it / let the energy flood through your blood fluid / no matter what man, keep your head up and / never begin to wonder about the "what if's" and "could been's" / even if you lose sense of direction, remember nevertheless all of the lessons that you grew with / why? cuz, damnit brother, that's who you are and / lies damage just about everything inside / so don't lose sight of your roots / realize truth in yuor own life that you choose / and don't forget, shit, never sit / never let the game get the best of you, and don't quit / just hold on, be strong, and believe in your own / cuz it's goin' be alright, believe it

Soliloquy - Magnetic North



Everynight since she broke up with me. I couldnt sleep at all. Every time I think about her my heart just crushes. Damn.. I really miss her. Of course I'll wait for her but longer I wait, more I'll get hurt. These four days without her, still hurts me. I just wish I had another chance to be with her. Only If I can change the past. Because If I did, none of these problems would've happened between me and Alyssa..
I don't know if I can finish this..
It just hurts me soul..

[Response]
I really need you Alyssa, If a new start for us will make us together again. Then lets have a brand new start for us. We can take things slow, I'll try to be the guy you want me to be. I really need you Alyssa. Also forget about people think and say about you. You dont need there negative thoughts to corrupt you. and the problems block you away from me? You can pass it, problems can be solved. we can solve them together. Alyssa, I'll help you.. I really want to be with you again.
I know begging wont go anywhere, but i cant be myself anymore.. I really need you!

[Response]
Rollercoasters maybe up and down but there's always a excitement in it.
Thats what a true relationship is.. You may have Fun, fear, or even hurt but You'll always get through the ride. The love for is dying, but mine is just begining to live.

[Thoughts]
They say a true man cries, What if a man tear? Is he a half man?
Because, now I'm thinking im not half ready for a new beginning.
The people I know say that, keep my head up, move on, you can do better, or you deserve better.
How can I keep my head up, if no one see's how important that person is to me. I can move on, but I prefer not yet until its the right time. I can do better but I rather have someone who makes mistakes then someone so perfect. Perfect is a boring life to be with. I can't deserve any better because the better isn't with me anymore.

[Inspiration Rhymes]
So he kick, push
Over his shoulders he swore he'd never look
'Cause wasn't nothin' back there but the blackness
Life wasn't too attractive (Yeah, uh)
And so he kick, push
Over his shoulders he swore he'd never look
'Cause wasn't nothin' back there but the blackness
Life wasn't too attractive (yeah)
- Lupe Fiasco : Kick, Push [Part 2]

Seperating from the girl you love, hurts the most.
Now my days are darkened, I have no one to be happy with.
Being happy with myself, isn't my way to role in life.
So I'm waiting in line to the day of freedom.
It may take a year, but a year of forgiving.
I truly love her. But she doesnt love me.
If she's true with her word.
I'll be the happiest kid during that time.
If she doesn't, I'll be the depressed kid during that time.
I guess I have to move on if she doesnt want me next year.
I really guess happiness won't fit in my life.
Days if she wont come, days I'll fly high.
Dying to the white smokes.
Till I choke, too death.

Actually I'll just wait for another love to come..
even though it wont be the greatest as Alyssa..

I ask my baby if she love me, she said she don't know
She said the game's got her heart, the streets have got her soul
I ask my baby if she love me, she said she don't know
She said the game's got her heart, the streets have got her soul
I said, "Wow"
-Lupe The Gorilla

Everything has changed.. A whole split second, and im back to my great dark depression. Days aren't going to be happy for me this year. Not sure if I want to succeed with this sad depression. I change so much once I was with her, Changed my looks, my anger, my social life, my everything. I guess I have to change one more time in my life. Goodbye socialing even though no one socials with me. I will never get my mind of her. Trully, I'd fuck myself over if I can never be back with her.. My days I try so hard for her. I guess its not enough. She's so perfect for me, even if the mistakes that comes with her. My feelings for her will never weak for what she does to me. Now its back to my grade 9 years. Failing school, fights, Graffiti..

Everything I do, its not enough
The pain that grows, knocks me out
Do I enter, or do I leave?
Do I fly or should I die?

Smoke haze me to succeed to the greater fail..

All random emotion.

Sorry to say alyssa.. I love you still. not going to give up.

How can I think anymore, when you keep doing this?
I maybe a bitch when we argue, but the littlest things can be something big.
Think about that. Like seriously, its like if you lie to me, you're going to be lying to me all the time. So if you break a promise you're going to break another one. How can I be sure you can hold a promise? and you say its jusst a little promise? Promise is a promise, if you break one you're going to break another one.
True? Its true. So how can I know you can be honest? How can I know that you can take this relationship seriouly? Like, Im serious with this relationship. At times I have to be serious. I can still be random and be hyper n shit... But at times you gotta be serious. You can say shit about me. I wont care anymore.But you gotta ask yourself, who's the one trying to get this relationship together? Who's the one actually trying in the relationship? Who's the one actually wants to take this seriously? More this happens, more I think and really. I'm trying to step up. and you gotta too..

I have nothing else, that I have with you? I can't see you, your rents wants you to break up with me, You're busy with school and new friends. You're too busy on msn with friends? So um, how can I be there in your pic? When can I see you again? When can I talk to you like back then. Since Friday or day before, you've been different.. or never changed. Maybe its just me mentally thinking stupud shit..

PND was a great day, it wasnt amazing but it was great. I got to chill eith my girlfriend and her friends, me and her didn't really cuddle or talk alot. But I guess being with her enough, anyways me and he had fun, too bad me and her didn't go on behemoth together, I really wanted to ride with her. We had fun watching fliphop, but Alyssa had fun even more, when she started to see guys take off their shirts. Ahaha! Too bad se lefted when so real was performing.. I only wish I had more time with her.. But after the performence and everything, i met up with Jonathan, Jake, Claurance, Russel, Sean, and Kurt. It was pretty jokes we went on Behemoth together no homo, and I swear the back of behemoth is the fastest! it was so jokes, then we lefted wonderland and we seperated with russel and kurt and it was just me, jake, claurace, sean and jonathan, we went to tim hortons to get something to eat, then went off to take the bus to go home, it was pretty sick tho still, joking around inthe bus and like there was this brown guy who was talking so fast and he non stop talked n we were laughing out loud soooo hard!! - anyways the day couldve been better but I still loved it!

You know when you had that best day ever and you want to repeat over and over and over again? Well, today was that day for me. Like have you ever holded the person you love while laying down with them and just sleep together for like a full 15 mins?
ITs amazing! It does sound lame, but its one of the greatest feelings I ever had. What a day, honestly today was amazing. Me and her did so much things, watching t.v. while eatting Icecream, then played alittle UFC LOL! I owned her :)Then she saw my baby pictures, seriously she kept saying, "oh my gosh you're so cute!" Ahahaha!And like we watch Punk'D. Ahahaha , it was pretty jokes! I miss her already