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I fully fucked up the relationship with me and Alyssa..
My anger and my thoughts got the best of me..
I shouldnt have spazzeed at her..
I shouldnt had said to her.
I made so much mistakes but this mistake is a huge one.
I seriously fucked this one up.
Now she doesn't talk to me as we use to talk anymore..
Like sometimes for me, it seems so ackward.
me n her dont do this thing we do when we say I love you anymore..
She doesnt call me baby anymore..
This will always kill me..
fuck.. im sorry alyssa..

I sit back relax and watch it like a dream
bringing my hopes up, and bringing the steam
mistakes to the greatest, I come up with my team
Dead funk Kidz, thats what making a scene
we pull up and top off, we rocking so clean
from brooklyns to steps to mills to fucking halo freeze
blah blah blah blah blah blah bboy, fuck that shit..

fuck waste day. Nothing to do.. Wanted to chill but no one to chill with.
Jonathan is gonig to Orlando.. Baby went to here friends place, Nathan, is else where, Tintin is at dance practice, Kris is off place in downtown, FUCK!
so gay... I need to use my time useful before school.. because i know my rents wont give me the freedom on school days >.>

Man, crazy week.
Fighting fights with my dad over a phone bill thats only 68 dollars!
What a joke. My dad is sucha cheap ass. Only 68$ and his bitching how I went over too much, FUNNY! Man, too much stress to handle.. I dont need it. Man Crazy tornado weather. Ugh, I guess I wont be going out tomorrow, if I am.. Anyways.. Today was so up and down. My dad gave me a huge lecture, and being a bitch how he doesnt care about me anymore LOL! Who gives a fuck. Then I came to fairview to see my girlfriend again! I miss her so much.. And yet she doubted I wasnt coming, hurts.. and yet when today was the day for just me and her and without her friends. She wanted to chill with her friends, Oh well I guess because she wanted to be in the greatest chill out ever and I dragged her away.. I feel bad :( but oh man me and her had some disagreements, I think it was our worst one yet.. but we made up :)
I'm so happy I spended time with her today, because I hate being at home fighting with my parents all the time. Also, what me and her did at the movies was sooo fun :P
and yet so jokes! I cant believe she got scared of this trailer that wasnt even a horror movie or whatever :P, But its alright I guess, since she squeezed me tight ;D
I cant believe the day went by so quick.. when she left the buss to go the courts with her friends.. I was so sad. because as soon she got of the bus, I already missed her.. I miss her so much. I need to be with her again! I cant stand staying at my place doing nothing but argue with rents, when I can be with my girlfriend.

Seriously, today was so jokes! Me and Beautee finally chilled for how many weeks? LOL
we walked around doing nothing and ate whatever, afterwards we watched Transformers. And When we were finding a seat, Beautee trip! OMGOSH IT WAS SO JOKES! Like me and Beautee literally laughed! That was the funniest moment of my day! LOL
Anyways, my dad woke me up I think at 8 or 9 am. Just to do groceries.
So gay. I completely forgot Maria's party today, And I didn't go. Oh well!
Anyways.. Today I've been thinking about her non-stop. I seriously miss her.
I've been listening too much J Holiday and Musiq Soulchild, all because of her.
I can't think completely straight until I see her in my mind.. Lame? I know, but I'm crazy over her.

Now me and Alyssa haven't been talking alot, I'm pretty worried. Maybe it's because we didn't see each other for two days? Whatever it is, I want to talk to her like me and her had at the park. It was nice getting to know more of her then people usually see in her. Like I can't wait t'ill next week when I get to see her again! I love being with her. It feels right. Like we may have misunderstandings, but we get stronger. Like I am trully happy that I'm with her, I seriously mean this. Like I was happy with my ex's but never this happy with Alyssa. It's like Riding drop zone when you're drunk, without and safety latches and you're completely falling t'ill you reach the ground and be catched from the people who care about you the most. Lame again? I KNOW! I have this feeling where I need to let it out, but I dont know how.. I just need her on my side to do it. I need her more then ever! I love her so much! We'll I'm inlove with her.

Feeling cold.. with a headache and dizzyness.

my room is spinning, music is playing, what kind o drug am I on?
now, I cant see but only lights. Im reaching towards it likes the after life
but I slip and fall from huges stomachache.

Now im feeling warm, sick, and weak
blooding rushing through out my body, trying to find a way out.
as I lay, feelings cuts in deeper.

I'm dying from stupid mental retardedness.
but it shows that im going crazy over her

"So I can get home and tell her everywhere that I been,
And, everything that I done, and,
Tell her that she's the one, and, um.

Let's go to sleep in Paris,
And wake up in Tokyo.
Have a dream in New Orleans,
Fall in love in Chicago,
Mayne."

~ Paris, Tokyo - Lupe Fiasco.

Amazing day with my girlfriend today :)
I got to chill with her at the park, to the plaza, all the way to her place!
Like before all that, I thought I was getting lost because I had no clue taking the new route to her house, it was confusing me soo much!
but afterwards I called her and I got to the route with ease :)
but her lil brother kept bothering me and her.
I find it alittle annoying but, I was like that when I was young so I could understand
and it was pretty cool how, it was ackward for him to talk to me lmfao
but anyways I loved it how me and Alyssa kept cuddling through out the whole day
because its hard not seeing her everyday, im not use to it and i never see her for like 2 week well except 2 days ago but I still miss being around her
but I love today, because of the other stuff i'm not going to write in this blog :D
ahhehe, I love her ALOT.

Fucking dad just ruined my mood, when I had one of the best days of my summer.
like if you're mad at someone else, dont fucking put your anger on me. Like are you stupid dad? Like control your fucking anger. and this is why I dont fucking talk to you! Its your fault in the beginning.. >.>

Today, was so messed up!
I went to my friends place just to chill and to have a dance session.
but in the beginning I was suppose to meet up with Kang at Steeles and Brimley
and I have to call him when I get there.. But he gave me the wrong number, so I had to call Reiner and he didn't pick up after like 30 calls.. After me and Reiner tried figuring out Kangs new house number, and we finally figured it out. So I call him, and this guy tells me he cant leave his house so I had to walk to his house and he house is soo fucking far, like its a journey! But Finally I got to his house and its HUGE! And so much Asians live in his area.. I wonna live there.. but its in Markham.
So I called Reiner to come, so while me and Kang were waiting. We had to unpack some boxes and all his movies.. Afterwards Reiner calls telling us his at Steeles and Brimley, so Kang was telling him where to go and crap. Then we have to move some stuff around the house, because Kangs uncle told us too. Then afterwards we were breaking and making videos and Reiner had to put on Bebot by Black Eye Peas and Kang was so amazed with the Filippino girls in the video Ahaha, because his Korean and all. His all like "Oh shit, they're HOT!" It was pretty jokes! Then we were breaking/Playing Xbox and I was owning Reiner so bad! LOOL! and After We break some more.. until Kangs uncle told kang to kick me and Reiner out because we were making too much noise.. So we went to the basement to "pretend" were unpacking boxes. LOL
Then we had a talk about having a jam at Kangs place since his basement is HUGE and it has a bar and everything+Bedroom.. Ahaaha! But thats prety much what happen.

Yes, I get to see my girlfriend tomorrow at her place! I hope her friends arent flop because if her friends doesnt go, then I cant go to her place. and I really want to see Alyssa again! I'm missing her already even though I saw her two days ago. I just pray that I will see her tomorrow :)

I keep on thinking about her, I keep on looking at our pictures of us together, I keep waiting for you to go on msn, I keep doing this everyday. What does this mean? Am I whipped? Or just crazy about you? Or maybe my feelings for you are so deep? Whatever it is, I love it. Too addicting to not quit.... I miss her so much!

Im going to make this last long as I can
No more screwing up, this chance I have to stay with
Giving this, is something I cant not do alone.
and yet you teach me, more then I can learn.
I have no belief of break up with you
I'm not letting you, never letting go *
Because i am in love with you!
There's so much reasons why!
Like the way, you're honest to me
and how you are so close to me when were near each other.
You are the BEST.
I love you too
FOUREver
^LMFAO, im stealing that cheesy word off you :)

Soo Last night I couldnt sleep because I was excited about today..
I slept at 5 and woke up are around 7-9
Afterwards I got ready and went off to Town.
Who knew my bus takes 45 minutes to get to town >.>
I thought I was late LOL
But when I got there, I came there first before Alyssa and her friends.
When I met up with her, she got me a black and purple snapback, and ive been looking for the exact one for 4 months now and she gave it to me, I thank her so much for giving me this snapback ! :)
So me, Alyssa and her friends walked around like mallrats.
So me, Alyssa and her friends split up
and thats when I asked Alyssa to be my girlfriend
like we were outside near moxies, which were suppose to go but she didnt want to cause... umm i dont know really.. but yeah
I asked her and she said no the first time.
I was pretty sad but after like a few secs she's like "of course ill be your girlfriend" and then after she kissed me!
I'll never forget that moment :)
after we went to find Alyssa's friends and bought tickets to watch Ice age!
No lie it was a cute movie, but yet soo weird LOL
most of the time I was just cuddling with Alyssa :)
me and her didnt even wear the glasses cause yeah.. LOL
but woow i lost my glasses.. but doesnt matter now :)
but yeah, There's more to type but Im too lazy and im getting facebook notifications.. so ill end it now :D

Today is the best day of my summer! 4th :D
ILOVEHER!

Alright, this night was so up and down like it just hit me
this night my sister asked me if I wanted to come with her and her friend Brenard to watch "Funny People" but first we went to Vaughn to get something to eat so we went to Kelseys. I felt like a fatass because I finally can eat solid food! So I just ate like I havent eaten for like days. So we went to the colossus, IT WAS HUGE! While I was watching, there was this part when George and his ex-girlfriend started to make up and it got me thinking of Alyssa.. I dont know why but I'm missing her so much right now.. Like throughout the whole movie I just kept thinking about her.. Luckily I'm seeing her on tuesday! But anyways when the movie ended, I thought to myself and my sister is using me just to block off her friend to try to get at her. Because if I didnt go with her to the movies it was just Brenard and my sister.. I can't believe my sister would just use me.. She used me more then enough times.. Oh well.. Atleast I'm spending quality time together. Funny thing is me and her dont know anything about eah other. But anyways.. When we were going home, my sisters friend took the highway since were leaving from Vaughn and God saved me life seriously! around Bathrust Rd on the high way, 3 car bashed into each other right front of me, and I awesomely thought were going to crash with them but my sisters friend pulled to the left not to get in contact with the others and it was like happening so fast! My heart was pumping, I neearly gotten injured or even worst I couldve died tonight.. But Im thank God for saving me!

And that was my night. and yet I'm still thinking of her! Seriously I'm inlove with this girl! I seriously miss her right now. and If you're reading this Im sorry I wasn't online to talk to you! :( I love you! :)